You can learn found truths abour yourself and the world by immersing youself in nature.
being in nature does not always mean you're going to find yourself. this may apply to like scientists and outdoor stuff. but for a dsigner or computer programmer, it is not the same. its all digital and out of touch from nature. maybe back yes, but most modern day jobs is outside of nature. the onyl truths a person like a computer nerd may find out is that nature is so not for them. a fashion deisgner may just find so new designs but not find truths. immarsing in nature may be dirty and germaphobisness kicks in. and iono what else to say and that my mom is blabbing loudly . gosh; can't work at all. the truths i find is that i personally enjoy but i can oly think of negatives. what can a computer find about themselves? immersing in nature? he finds that ... well i find that there is not much to wrie about .
immersing you can find how to make things better since nture is high tech. we try to create people but cant' like nature. we find that we want to this sucks... i cna't thinke. be better? rawrs. then there is just something . immersing give s me ideas and intersts cuz nature is natually intersting. blah
Waited 2 hours at the Veteran's Affair office just to be told later than the current office I was in was the former VA office and that it has now been relocated. Good Game! Well, luckily the VA office was not crowded. I wonder why? Well, it was because the VA person was not there. YAY! My life is awesome.
I've been experiecing some stress lately. It's just that school started and I'm not used to scheduling or using my time efficiently. So obvious, times flying and i'm stressing with all my unfinished work. Also, I get distracted too easily. Then added stress by the family. I don't know if they know this, but they sure do give me some unneeded stress. You just can't explain anything to them. They are too stubborn. Childish people; and here I was thinking I'm the kid. Well, I guess I'm not a kid. I'm stressed.... because I have responsibilities. And if you tell me to do something, I'll do it BUT IT JUST GOT TO FIT MY SCHEDULE. My dad has been naggin me to see the VA but I DON"T HAVE THE TIME. OMFG, I'm stressed. Then my mom. Yeah I feel sorry for you. But I can't hear the same story over and over. I can't hear another "I do't care" when she actualy do so care. It's like she's always in denial. Fuck that. I'm tired. And here I am being open and she puts me down on it. At least I'm not in denial. I know I have problems that I'm trying to resolve. God I feel like a heart attack is coming soon. I feel so exhausted. I'm surprised I don't have white hair yet. But bleh, I bet it will come very soon.
Finally got a my hair cut. It's annoying. My hair gets onto my forehead which makes my head oily. Then the oil rubs aggainst my hair and i have to keep removing my hair from my head. Then my hair because static-ee and then I'm irratated. So much things cuased by a little hair. Rwars.
I want to just sleeep. These bruises on my hand is still there. What to do. I don't know what to say anymore. I hate this. Sometimes everything annoys me because everyone just something about them. Okay, not everyone exactly. Main just a small handful of people drive me nuts. What am I supposed to do ? Keep faking ? Keep trying to keep on going? WHen I'm so miserable. So so miserable. Tired. Food lost its tastiness. I don't want to eat, but I do because I'm hungry. I'm tired. I want to just relax and not have someone over me watching me. I want to be free and not think that my action will hurt or ruin the stupid honor of family. i'm me, an individual. My actions sholdn't reflect! i want to do what I want to do and not have a guilty conscience. But I CAN>T! when I hurt myself i seem to be hurting the people behind me. When can i be my own person and just act ME. I can't, being so used to just be "good" and i'm quiet and lost the skills to communicate most times.... and I don't feel like i can share what i feel deep inside. all people hear are my trivial things, they're not important!
Wow, the MESA club was not what I thought it would be. It seems more like some sort or tutoring; which is not cool. It's not like its that bad. It's just, that's not what I expected. I thought it was a club. It's called a workshop. So I guess there is difference between and workshop and a club. Because it is definitely not a club. I don't want next week to come. I think I got a problem wrong in calculus; although I'm super sure I got it right. Two people in my class seem to have the same answer as one another, but different from mine. I probably did a baby mistake which led to having the whole problem wrong. No way~!
Accents are interesting. Some are very... what's the word. Nice of hearing? to the ear. While others are very harsh. Being Asian, I think it won't be as big of a problem when I say this: I don't think the Asian accent is nice to listen to. It's annoying... There are other accents which aren't nice too. It's the pronunciation of the words and how unclear the person is speaking that makes me want to run my head right through the wall. The only accent that I don't mind and even love is the English/British people. It's just so "wow" to me. It sounds even professional~! Not all English people have a nice accent, just a certain amount of them, I like fall for the way they speak. Like in the movie Harry Potter and Narnia, I don't mind their accent. Also, there was a Spanish accent I like. The one in Pan's Labyrinth. I like how they speak Spanish there. The ones I don't like are the car seller's one. Haha, they talk so fast that the words become so incoherent to me. Enough about accents, let's see what else is there to talk about.
Have I talked about my new fish named after Skandar Keynes? He's a red betta. My dad says he's a baby. His fins are short. What I love about my fish is that he has shimmers of blue and green on his skin and fins. He was pretty blue eyes that give him the expression of being a baby fish. Big Eyes~! Also, the bad thing is, I can't tell whether is has fin rot disease or whether he just has spiky-ish looking fins. He does swim actively a lot in his bowl, so I don't worry much. To make sure his fin rot conditions aren't worsening, I'm going to change his bowl a little more often so that the bowl will remain clean.
Wow, I almost forgot to do an entry today. It was quite busy. I watched like three Harry Potter movies today. The third one is not that bad. Still, the first one is my favorite. I had this quick write story in my head; here it goes. It might be stupid since I'm just typing as I go without any break or time to think. You know, it's the part of this free write exercise.
I walked on recalling the times I've heard the rumors of a kid crying by the boulder which now stands in front of me. The snow around me brings chill. Goosebumps form at the skin of my arm. Whether I was cold by the weather or chilled by the rumor, I am not sure. It's silent, except for the dropping of the snow. The sunlight trickled. Then, I hear crunching in the snow, like footsteps, walk past me. Then the snow on the rock flatten as if someone sat on it. Then, softly the crying of a boy could be heard. It wasn't like a baby crying. Then again any crying from a boy was... weird. Boys at school were seen as tough things; nothing penetrated them. They cared of nothing but trivial stuff. But here I was with a boy suppressing his tears back. Although I heard the boy, I could not see him. The rumors were true. Some evil magic exists right here. I approach the sniffles. As if in a trance, once I stood directly in front of the boulder, I reached out and felt a cloth. I took a hold of it and pulled it the the side, revealing the back of a blonde head. In my hand was a rare invisibility cloak. The boy turned quickly around with wide, blue eyes of fear. He did not expect people to approach him, I guess. Many times people had come to this boulder to hear a cry. After witnessing and confirming the rumor, they would run in fear. But not I. Here, I stand in front of a boy. Not knowing what to do, we continue to stare at one another's eyes. Suddenly, he dashed up and shoved me to the ground. I felt the snow stinging my bottom as I slid a little. He forcefully grabbed his cloak from my hand and threw it over him. Then crunching of footsteps were heard again, running the direction opposite of me. I quickly got up, ready to chase him. But eventually his trail of footsteps became thinner and thinner until at one point they faded away.
my head currently hurts from doing math homework. it wasn't much nor was it hard. I think it's just really hard to get back on working again. the whole studying process. Iremember those days. It was painful and fusterating. And here I am, about to get back on that road. I'm going to miss my summer break. I had no worries. All I did was play games, watch television, and eat. I was happy~.But now that horror is returning. I can foresee it; it's not really hard to predict. But who knows? Maybe it won't be as bad. It's not like I'm taking AP classes anymore. I wonder is there a difference in taking honor classes and regular classes in college? Or do they EVEN have any honor classes. If they do, should I take them? I'll admit, I'm getting scared and lazy. I'm lazy because I was born that way. I'm scared, because I don't want to fail. I'm tired of trying so hard. So bad, and I know it... I'll probably take honor classes. I need them anyways if I'm ever going to prepare for college. About yesterday, I wrote before I went to bed. With all the freewriting, my mind was very open. Weird things happen when you have an extra open mind. I was dreaming. I was in a place with Otani, my anime crush (Gee I'mso dorky) and we were in a place. I forgot where, a classsroom? I dont know, maybe we were there for a while then there was some woods? Let's just say I forgot about the dream. So sad; I usuaully do remember what I dream of. Or at least I do after I woke up. But as the fogginess of sleep goes away, the memories start to fade. It's all so sad. Honestly I prefer to sleep than stay awake. In my dreams, anything is possible. Almost everything there is a whole lot better than real life. Too bad though; I can't stay there very long. First, it's really hard for me to fall asleeep. I don't know why, I'm a light sleeper too, so I awaken easlier. Lastly, I can't sleep long. If I do, I get headaches in the morning. I think it's caused by too much sleep or because I end up waking up late in the day where it's hotter and I become a little dehydrated. I hate this feeling, because I get, of course, a headache, and somethings my throat is a little sore. It's like getting a mini cold/sickness. The good thing is by afternoon, my cold will disappear. If it doesn't, I know that it will become something worse. Probably a flu; which is not fun to have especially since I will be having school. I hate being sick on school days because I don't take the time to be absent. I go to schoool... sick. Teachers say they need a... note to say that I'm sick, but I dont go to doctors. I rather go to school than the office of a doctor. Next, I don't want to miss class and an important lesson. Weird how teachers make sure you don't get a lot of absenses. I thought they would not care, but here they are limiting us. If only they don't do that. We already did pay for the classes, and they are getting money. So who cares if we are there or not.